The sunrise only reminds me of you
by YaoiFlavouredMacaron
Summary: Anotonio would always wake with tears streamining down his face every morning as the sun rose, as it only reminded him of the loved one he took for granted.
1. Routine

**Hi~ so here is another angsty Spamano fanfic which has been in the making for like...a decade lmao.**

 **So...I wrote this shit because I was feelin angsty AF. I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE for the pain I'm about to inflict on these characters (I do not own) and those with feeeeeeels.**

 **Enjoy :3**

* * *

Antonio groaned as he pulled his covers over his head, shielding his eyes from the rising sun. A few more hours of sleep would've been nice but it seemed impossible as it had become a conscious habit for the past 3 years of his life.

He layed under the covers with a blank mind as tears trailed across his cheeks and soaking the pillow, which had accompanied his waking habits at sunrise. He eventually got up and freshened up, then when he was finished, he headed for the kitchen for something to fill his growling stomach as he turned on his phone only for it to go off buzzing after a few days of neglect.

Antonio began scrolling through his messages. Though he wouldn't bother replying as most of them were concerns from friends, colleagues and family and he had grown tired of replying with lies to what he actually felt.

As he was about to shut messenger off, a message came through from Feliciano, asking if he was going to visit his brother, Lovino, today. Antonio pondered for a moment at the question before opening up his planner.

 _"So today's the day...hmm?"_ He mumbled to him self as a long sigh was let out.

 **To be continued...**


	2. Damage

_**An enveloping argument...**_

* * *

A loud thud on the table made drinks spill.

 _"You know what? Why did I even bother dragging you with me? I should've just left you to sulk in a corner just as the spoilt brat you are!"_

 _"spoilt?!...maybe you're fucking right! A disappointment like me shouldn't even be standing here in your "gracious" presence?!_

 _Besides..I ..I never asked you to drag me out to this ridiculous gathering! It makes me sick! Such as waste of time!"_

Stomping accompanied with a doorslam followed.

 _"Fine! Who needs a spoil-sport here?! Even your brother would be way better in your place! Infact, you're not even needed...* **slam** * here!"_

Antonio stood amidst his stunned group of friends fuming.

 _"Don't you think that was a bit...overboard, Toni?"_ Gilbert asked as Antonio sat down.

 _"Hey~ are you alright, Toni?"_

 _"Ah, hey Feli~ yeah...I guess"_ Antonio replied in a calmer tone.

 _"Well..you don't really look it?"_ Feliciano responded as he pulled up a seat next to his German boyfriend.

 _"Besides, where's my brother? I thought he came with you, Toni."_

Antonio winced a bit as the others around the table stared, not suprised, at the oblivious Italian to the current mood.

 _"...well he left early since he wasn't feeling well..._ " was the excuse the tad tipsy Spaniard came up with.

 _"Ohh...I hope he feels better soon ~"_

The bubbly Italian then went onto boasting about a holiday he and his bf would be going on in a few days time.

* * *

Lovino had been at his worst of moods when a happy-go-lucky Spaniard knocked on his door and tried to drag him out to a social was really reluctant but had no choice in the end to tag along when his childhood crush wouldn't stop rummaging through his closet and messing things up all whilst whining in his ear!

During the evening, it was getting on his nerve when The Bad Touch Trio began teasing the Italian on his negative composure. It was only when Lovino finally snapped at Antonio, telling him to quit his teasing antics and the other tipsy two, telling them to fuck off.

 _"Geez Lovi, why are you in such a badmood. I bought you out here so you could lighten up, since you're always so glum! ! I would really appreciate it if you could drop the attitude and just have some fun!"_ Antonio said in a stern voice.

Lovino could feel his chest tighten and his heart begin to race.

 _"Fun? You call this fun while you three indulge in your drinks and have the nerve to insult me and criticize my life? I'm not gonna sit here and take anymore bullshit! I'm fucking sick of this!"_ Lovino voiced as he stood up and slammed his glass on the table, sending waves that had drinks on the table spilling. Another this followed with Antonio standing up.

* * *

As Lovino stormed out into the cold evening, the last words he heard from Antonio were that he wasn't needed. Sure the criticism and comparison of his life and to his brother hurt, but those words had delted a lethal blow. Words especially delted by the one Lovino had strong feeling towards.

Those words echoed in Lovinos head as his body succumbed to numbness of the the emotional hurt and cold, all the while dragging his feet home. When he eventually arrived, he noticed he didn't even have his keys on him as the excited Spaniard had dragged him out without giving him sometime to get his stuff together.

 _"Great..."_ he mumble monotonely to himself.

He climbed a fence to get into his own backyard with hopes he may have forgotten to lock the backdoor but no luck. He thought maybe he could try climbing through one of the windows facing the backyard as he sat on the backdoor step.

Lovino's' backyard faced towards the woods, where a few foxes scoured but nothing to hunt for the dense and thickened foliage woods.

Shortly after Lovino had moved into the place, he was warned by the former occupants and neighbors not to enter the foresty area.

As he looked up from where he sat, it was pretty dark but the woods had always intregued Lovino's curiosity as to what lay beyond the sea of trees and scrubs. And the way he was feeling, he couldn't careless about the warnings as the forest appeared to entice the cold and numb Italian with an alluring illusion of escaping means from how he was feeling.

Lovino stood up and began to trudge towards and into the cold dark woods, without any means of looking back and leaving behind his only other form of communication.

 **To be continued...**

* * *

 _ **My heart...slowly shattering...for my love of Spamano...and my crap writing style..**._


	3. Missing

_**The disappearance of Lovi sparks the reality of something taken for granted.**_

* * *

Antonio awoke with a splitting headache after having consumed more alcohol than average by means of drowning out his impatience for Feliciano's older sibling and to entertain the calls and dares from his mates around the table.

As if the pain wasn't bad enough, he groaned at his actions from last night with Lovino. He had to admit, he and the other two close mates of his, Gilbert and Frances, did actually push Lovino's buttons quite a bit. And for him to say what he did before the door slammed, was unfair and a bit worrisome.

A cold shower and some painkillers did the trick to ease his hangover to a bearable level of pain.

Afterwards, Antonio made some breakfast and then proceeded to open his phone to check his usual messenger and facebook updates and notifications. He eyed Lovino's profile amongst the chat list on his messenger with his last contact to the Italian at 18:45hours (6.45pm) and that Lovino had been last active at about the same time that night.

He let out a sigh as he made his way to the lounge room, letting his overall weight crash and sink into the _oh-so-comfy_ couch. He stared at the ceiling momentarily as he reminisced on his relationship with Lovino.

Thinking about it, it seemed that Lovino was in a better mood, even if his mood was at its lowest when just the two of them hung out and that the likeliness of Lovino opening up and being more honest was with him. To sum it, Lovino loved being around Antonio despite not showing it. Antonio himself didn't notice how much time he had spent with Lovino and would link his close connections with the said Italian based on their childhood history.

The possibility of them being in a romantic relationship never crossed his mind till he thought about the physical contacts he had made with Lovino. This was pretty much pouncing on, holding hands, teasing pecks on the cheeks and hugging. Antonio began to feel his cheeks warm up as he slapped a hand over his mouth.

 _"Did i just have a revelation? Am I actually in love with Lovi?"_ Antonio thought to himself. He then facepalmed himself as events from last night resurfaced. He sat up and grabbed his phone, proceeding to text an apology and to request that they could meet up so he could properly apologise.

Hitting the send button made him feel somewhat anxious as he would ponder as to what Lovino's response would be.

No reply was received over the next 24 hours so he tried calling. No answer. The next 3 days had passed and Antonio had probably left up to 50 voice messages. Over the week he had constantly checked his phone for any texts, missed calls and messages via Facebook. Lovino's last active moment still stood still at 18:45hours from that night.

Antonio's heightened anxiety was beginning to irritate him to a point that he thought Lovino had decided to shut him out of the Italian's' life. He didn't want to give up though and decided to make a trip over to Lovino's place. Curtains remained closed as he eyed the windows.

 _"Did Lovino decide to get out of town?"_ Antonio frowned.

The possibility of Lovino taking off on a holiday was a mere 5% chance as the Italian was a reluctant being who refused to mingle with the outside world on his own. Maybe Feliciano had dragged him along on his holiday with his bf? But that was another impossible fact for Lovino wouldn't be one bit happy, especially being dragged along as a third wheel. Feliciano hadn't even mentioned that his brother would be tagging along. Looking on Facebook, it was evident too as most of the posts Feli had posted where scenery shots, foodiegrams and pictures of him and his bf beit selfies or not.

Things didn't feel quite right anymore. Antonio stepped out of his car and decided to give feli a call as he slowly walked towards Lovino's doorstep.

 _"Hi Antonio ~! I was just about to call you!"_

 _"Hey Feli~ ha ha we have great timing I guess. I need to ask you something.~"_

Antonio responded in a faked merry tone so that he wouldn't create worry for Feli. Upon closer inspection of the front door, webbing lined the edge of the door and the concrete acted as a foundation to which the webs were anchored to. He had also noticed how much accumulated mail had been forced into compression just to fit the mailing box.

 _"Hmm~? Sure. What did you want to ask?"_

 _"Have you been in contact with Lovi, Feli?"_

 _"Hmm...no I haven't. Not for a while either. I would've talked to him at the party if he hadn't left early. I did call him that night after the party but he never picked up."_

Worry began to paint Feliciano's face as there was no immediate reply.

 _"I'm heading over to Lovi's place!"_ Feli stated and then hung up before the Spaniard had a chance to say something.

Panic began to bite at Antonio's consciousness as he further looked around the undisturbed property. He climbed his way into the backyard and peered through one of the windows. Nothing appeared to had been moved. Stepping onto the backdoor step, Antonio kicked something unnoticed. Peering down at the object, it was a mobile phone and Lovino's phone at that. Picking it up, the phone had taken a bit of weather damage and functions to navigate the device were unresponsive, pointing out an obvious dead battery.

Antonio then heard a car pull up followed by a door slam. He dashed over to see who it could be.

 _"Feli?"_ Antonio called out.

 _"Antonio? "_ Feliciano responded as he whipped his attention over to the Spaniard looking over the fence.

 _"What are you doing? How did you get in there?"_ Feli questioned as he jogged over to Antonio.

 _"I couldn't see in from the front. Plus it looks like nobody has been home for quite a while."_ Antonio said as he climbed back over the fence.

 _"I also found this."_

Feliciano was quick to recognise the phone. He quickly pulled out some keys and then headed for the front door.

 _"_ Feli _, what's wrong?"_ Antonio hurriedly followed behind.

Lovino had given Feliciano a spare key for emergencies or if he needed to get anything. Opening the door allowed a wave of mild stagnant air to escape. It was eerily quiet and everything remained untouched, just as Antonio remembered from a week ago. Lovino's house keys laid on the countertop and dust had blanketed all surface areas of the living space and kitchen.

Feliciano jogged upstairs but his brother was nowhere to be found. Even all his brothers' personal belongings remained untouched.

He headed back downstairs a bit flustered.

 _"I thought maybe Lovi could've taken off again but nothing has actually been touched..."_

 _"What do you mean by 'again?"_ Antonio asked quizzically as Feliciano joined up with him.

 _"It happened when me and Lovi were still in college. Something upset him greatly and he disappeared from the dorms for nearly half a year. He was uncontactable and when he came back, he wouldn't tell me what happened or where he disappeared to...but back then he did take some stuff."_

Antonio felt bile regurgitate up his oesophagus as he began to feel guilty for what had happened on that night he and Lovino had it was him that had driven Lovino into seclusion and hiding.

 **To be continued...**

* * *

 _ **Next chapter. ...where did Lovi go?!**_


	4. Numb

_**Lovino's little adventure into the woods...**_

 _ ***ImSoSorry***_

 **Notes:** _ **The content of this chapter is dark as a suicide takes place.**_ _ **Please read with caution!**_

* * *

Twigs and branches would catch onto Lovino's clothes, tattering and ripping the insulating protection on his body.

He had also acquired cuts and scratches from traversing the trippy terrain of the woods, all were unfelt as the coldness made his skin numb to any inflicting pain from his surroundings.

Lovino had ditched his jacket as the snagging branches created resistance on him. But all of that, he didn't care! Not even at time or direction. The darkness...it welcomed him.

Lovino eventually tripped but he didn't anticipate the fall would be off into a ditch at the base of some hill or rocky decline. The cold numbing effect couldn't suppress the sharp pain that coursed through his ribs and right side of his body. He had most likely broken some ribs bones and his leg accompanied by a dislocated shoulder. He groaned as he tried to get up, dragging himself, with the support of his non-dominant arm, towards a nearby tree and utilising it as a means of support.

The pain had sapped him of strength just to hoist himself up against the tree.

Looking down, he could faintly make out what appeared to be a branch in bedded into his leg. It was then that he became dizzy from the bleeding and the fact that his brain was acknowledging pain.

 _"Tsk...shit..Really...I guess this is it for the fucked up being like me...heh heh"_ he muttered to himself.

He looked up into the distance, thinking that this would be his final resting place.

Instead, he could see a faint light source where he then proceeded to head towards as he suppressed the agony his body was in. The broken ribs in his chest began jabbing into his lungs, making each breath shorten immensely and the journey so much longer. Gasping and coughing up blood along the way was placing a strain on him to take in needed oxygen.

Limping and fading vision, he finally reached the source of light, growing brighter. He then let himself collapse against a tree, feeling some form of relief flood into him.

The view before him was a big contrast to the void of the woods. Lovino sat there for hours as he admired the beauty of the scene and it would be the last thing he would see. The scenery overlooked the city.

Streetlights eventually began to retire and liveliness began to fill the roads with commuters on their way to another day.

As he took his last breaths, he watched the sun rise, wishing he could've felt the warmth of the sun radiating onto his pale cold skin, hoping that the light breeze and the scenery would bring him peace and that his final thoughts would be accepting and welcoming of leaving reality behind as Romano was lulled into a deep sleep.

But instead, his final breath and thoughts in the last minute were distorted and of regret. Tears streamed down his bloodied and dirtied cheeks as the hazel haired boy succumbed to his injuries.

 _"Stupid me..pathetic... .stupid Antonio...if only he could see how much I loved him? Why...?"_

 _"...I love yo..."_ he mumbled out for the last time.

 **To be continued...**

* * *

 _ **Yeah...its gonna be one hell of a ride...**_

 ** _SORRY if it was short! ;_;_**


	5. Hope

**_False hope for the missing one._**

* * *

Both Feliciano and Antonio didn't want to call for assistance let alone reporting Lovino missing. Both frantically brainstormed possibilities of where the elder Italian may have gone.

Feliciano looked over at his brother's battered communication device and then sudden idea had popped into his head.

 _"Antonio, did you find Lovi's' phone in the backyard?"_

Antonio looked over to the younger Italian quizzically and replied with an affirmative answer.

Feliciano then paced towards the laundry.

 _"Feli, wait up!"_ Antonio yelled out as he followed in a frantic jog.

The backdoor was unlocked and pulled wide open, allowing a blinding light and a wind of fresh air to flood into the stagnant house. The sun had begun to set, which had bought on a direct blinding hit to both males upon opening the door.

The two stepped outside shielding their eyes. Feliciano had refocussed his eyes to have a better look at the backyard.

It was pretty bare with a poor lawn and a rusty old spinning clothesline. Beyond that was a waist-high metal mesh fence, which sat between two 1.8m high Colourbond cream coloured fences, that formed the closing of the backyard area.

The forest that lay beyond made Feliciano panic even more so as he mumbled a prayer in his native tongue. Antonio looked over with even more concern between the panicking Italian and the backyard, trying to piece how the backyard had relevance to Lovino's disappearance.

 _"I think we might have to call for help..."_ Feliciano said in a slightly quivering voice as he looked over to Antonio.

* * *

Emergency rescue crew and police had blockaded the house and lighting sources were being brought into the backyard. The emergency crew were huddled around a makeshift desk, discussing their operation plans. There were some paramedics on the scene gearing up to assist with the search and another group of rescue crew turned up with some dogs.

Ludwig, the Italian's' boyfriend, had made his way over to Lovino's place straight away from work not too long ago. And now here he stood, on the porch of Lovino's house, with his boyfriend clinging to him and head buried in his chest, feeling his stomach churn.

He never did get along with his lovers ' sibling so why was he feeling like it was his brother who was missing? It was a very uneasy feeling! He looked over to the Spaniard, who looked just as uneasy but even more so like he wanted to bolt and search for his 'lover' desperately.

Feliciano had explained to him earlier after they had called for help and reported Lovino missing, that it was likely that Lovino may have entered the forest beyond the backyard.

His _intuition_ was telling him that though but his nightmares of his brother disappearing into a void, for the past few nights, and a caution that the previous owner of the house had left behind was enough to convince him either way.

Though intuition alone wouldn't be enough to be convincing to someone else, either way, Antonio and Ludwig chose to believe in Feliciano's gut feeling.

The sun had now disappeared, taking the remaining afternoon warmth with it, not that it provided so much relief from the cold anyways. Cold stars painted the night sky and the moon was nowhere to be found.

Ludwig held his boyfriend close as the cold began to bite. Antonio became too anxious to stand still and he wanted a volunteer to help with the search party but was denied for he seemed emotionally unstable. Gilbert and Frances had dropped by to comfort the distressed Spaniard but wound up having to hold him back from trying to join the search himself. The police on the scene looked like they were about to arrest him for being a nuisance.

Gilbert and Frances had dragged the restless man off the scene and out towards the front of the house.

 _"Hold it together for god sake, Antonio! We know how you feel but the way you're thrashing about...its just making the current situation worse than it already is!"_ Gilbert yelled at Antonio as he pinned the Spaniard against his car.

Antonio pushed the other off him. But before he could rebut back, he could hear the hysterical cry of Feliciano.

 _"They found Lovi!"_ Antonio mumbled. The three then made a dash towards the back of the house.

 **To be continued...**

* * *

 ** _Next chapter is the search._**

 ** _Thank you for reading so far and please hang on for the upcoming updates._**


	6. Search

_**Search**_

* * *

The search could've begun the following morning for what lied in the woods was uncertain, such as the amount of vegetation or the terrain of the area. The blueprints of the area though showed to be safe ground for the area lacked wildlife. The sniffer dogs were brought in to quicken the pace of the search and strong LED torches shone up to 10 meters ahead of the holder. Point here though was why couldn't the search have started in the morning?

It was the lead investigators command. It had turned out that he was a good friend of Antonio's and a relative of the Vargas family. Though that still wasn't any excuse. Though it was pointless now as the search for Lovino had been underway for over an hour already and they had finally come across the first clue with the sniffer dogs picking up a jacket, presumably belonging to the missing person of interest.

This heightened the sniffer dogs in the job as they began to pull their commanders to go faster but soon stopped in their tracks where a shallow cliff stood before them. They didn't traverse through but around it where the dogs then picked up on a trail of dried blood and then bolted, following the trail whilst their commanders were forced to keep up with their pace. The overgrowth of the vegetation of vines and thorny bushes made the task all that more challenging.

The woods were eerily quiet as there was all absence of nature's' sounds, such as chirping of insects or a hoot of an owl. Only the searches following behind were keeping an eye out for any other clues in precaution should Lovino's disappearance be related to a murder. The lead investigator was part of the group. In between were some paramedics and some carrying other gear. Some others were placing markers on trees or as stakes so that no one would get lost.

The sound of barking up ahead had signalled the findings of _something_ or _someone_. Some of the searchers along with the lead investigator broke into a sprint towards the barking.

By the time they arrived, the expectations of finding Lovino alive was never going to be possible. There sat, against a tree, was Lovino's pale cold had preserved his body quite well, as if it had wrapped the male in a blanket, of coldness, and he was simply just taking a nap against the deciduous hardwood plant from tiredness. But the lighting had only made his body look even colder than it currently was. Paramedics had stepped in to inspect and pack the body up as quickly as they could as the temperature began to fall further into the minuses and fast. A quick examination had only shown non-life-threatening injuries and there was no evidence found that could've pointed to murder.

The trek back to Lovino's house felt painfully slow for the lead investigator as he tried to come to terms with Lovino's death and how he would break the news to Lovino's loved ones. But at the same time, he believed that Lovino would have moved on with some relief as the view beyond where Lovino was sitting was breathtaking.

 **To be continued...**

* * *

 _This particular chapter was focussed on the search for Lovi...which may be bland and which IC apologise for. but the next chapter will refocus on the main characters._

 ** _Till then, thanks for reading :D_**


	7. Despair

_**Despair**_

* * *

The warmth of being held tightly as the coldness became harsher had made Feliciano quite drowsy. He also had a long and stressful day after all. Just as he was about to pass out, he was jolted awake as a commotion was taking place with police and other searchers (that had remained at the base) rushed towards their fellow teammates that had returned.

Feliciano's grip on his boyfriend's coat had tightened in anxiousness as he looked on towards the people emerging from the woods. First was a man in front carrying an item of clothing that looked to be ripped jacket, which matched Lovino's favorite warm garment. He then caught sight of a stretcher and prayed that it was just his brother covered in a blanket. Though already deep down he knew that the possibility of his brother being alive was impossible and yet he would forcibly suppress it.

He had been the lucky child of his family and he hoped his luck would kick in on this one, even if it meant losing that streak for good, as he prayed to God in his head.

Time then came to halt as the stretcher came into full view. Feliciano's breath lodged itself in his throat as he ripped himself away from his boyfriend's embrace and made a dash towards the body bag. " _No_ " replayed itself like a broken record in his head as he had gotten closer.

* * *

A shrill cry made Antonio's blood go cold in the midst of an argument between him, Frances and Gilbert. All three, without a second to lose, made a hasty dash back to the backyard. In the distance, Feliciano could be seen held back and pulled away from what could only be a body bag.

Antonio hastened himself as he ran towards the searchers and his vision began to cloud up. Tear drops were rolling down his face even if he hadn't even confirmed if the love of his life was alive.

The grim painted expressions on the faces had halted his dash as he closed in on the body bag. His limbs began to feel heavy. He reached out his hand and began to slowly pull the zip with his lead-weight fingers. Everything in that moment had stopped for Antonio and the chattering and screams became muted as he faced the corpse before him with widened eyes. " _Lovi..._ " he whispered.

His Lovino, his one true love, laid contrasted in a black bag. He wanted to touch the porcelain skin of the deceased, whose head laid to one side and lifeless eyes that looked at his direction. But his heavy fingers held its position above the body as tear stains, brown patchy blotched areas of dust and dried blood beside scratched and gory like wounds were telling Antonio's body to refrain from touching the deceased corpse.

Motion around him set back in as he collapsed on the ground and stared in shock as Feliciano threw himself in a crying rage over his dead brother's' corpse. Antonio couldn't seem to let out his pain as it lodged itself in his throat, killing him inside now for he would never forgive himself.

Reality really did sink in as the sun rose.

 **To be continued...**

* * *

 _ **Next chapter will be the final: Reality**_

 _ **Thank you for reading**_


End file.
